its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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