Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
