We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
