dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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