Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
