Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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