Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
