Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
