Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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