can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
