I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
