did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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