I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
