I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
