In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
