So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
