Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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