I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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