i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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