It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
