ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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