Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
