I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
