You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
