I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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