Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
