You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
