my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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