My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
