god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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