You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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