i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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