im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
