so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
