doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
