wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
