just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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