We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
