ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
