i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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