Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
