I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
