I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
