i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
