Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
