someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
