I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
