3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
