Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
