his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
