i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
