I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
