it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
