matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
