She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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