I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
