some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
