im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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