I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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